I work hard to keep this blog *clean*. That has come to mean a lot of things to mean, mostly it means silence.
My mind overflows with things I want to pour out to the world and as sad as this may seem I have learned over the years that to truly express yourself you must be your own editor. What does this mean?
It means you need to pour out your insecurities, personal problems and inner demons into a quiet place where they cannot grow. It means you need to go out into the world smiling because that's what needs to be done. I don't lie but there is a lot I edit, the truth is a hard thing to deliver to people.
For instance if I threw my mind out uncensored, edited or controlled onto paper then people would read it and they would take issue with the irrelevant. They would misinterpret the messages that are out of context and without foreshadowing. Basically people, myself included, are too stupid to understand other people without a translator.
An example, I believe killing people is good. There is a thought. You don't like it and you have already made interpretation's of me based on that raw information. You will not take the time to read past that line into my motivations and contextualisation. What that thought was actually about was the state of poor African countries and how first world prisons systems can cripple an economy in such a manner that prisoners have better care than people in state hospitals. People never think that far do they. Its a headline society where all thoughts need to be compressed and without backing.
So these are the reasons I don't spill the flurried contents of my mind out on paper, to the internet, my friends or anywhere. I take them and I edit them and slowly, deliberately and with intent release them.
To quote, "Fighting an imperfect system provides conflict, utilizing a system provides results."
Of course the horrid side effect of this is at times I cry in the corner for the little girl whose innocence never existed, and the demons that never cease to exist.